You know the girl. The beauty queen. She is the one with the perfectly winged eyeliner and the dewy skin and who knows what contouring is. It takes her three hours to get ready – but when she does she looks the same IRL as she does on her Instagram. You cannot confirm whether she wears fake eyelashes because you never see her without them… She always looks flawless and she always wins homecoming queen.

Am I that girl? NOPE. the complete opposite in fact. If you came to this blog looking for beauty recommendations, you are in the wrong place. Go back to Instagram. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $20.

Until I was a young adult – well okay realistically until I was 22 – my idea of a night time look was basically bulk body glitter and my daytime look was BB cream and filling in my eyebrows.

My whole makeup bag is almost exclusively from Mecca Cosmetica.  I refuse to wear anything less than Stilla (apart from Garnier BB cream). I have slowly mastered the casual work-appropriate day look, to which I apply excess glitter and eyeliner once the sun goes down. I have also FINALLY learned how to use liquid eyeliner without stabbing random spurts of black ink into my eye like some kind of deep water squid.

HOWEVER, I am still absolutely bamboozled by what some makeup goddesses may refer to as the everyday essentials. If someone could explain to me what the deal is with these items that would be most appreciated….

Lip liner

Maybe this is because I am allergic to so many damn things that a tree blossoming or a poor choice for lunch results in my lips swelling up to bee sting size, and random women asking me where I get my lip fillers done, but I do not get the point of lip liner. Like don’t get me wrong, I am prone to smearing lipstick all over my face like a 5-year-old with a chocolate ice-cream, but I don’t understand how people draw above their upper lips without it looking like a stick-on brightly coloured pirate moustache.  Also, there are like 298379847984798273 shades of lipstick, how do you ensure your lip liner matches?


To me, a highlighter is bright neon yellow, blue, orange, green or even purple texta like pen you use to highlight “key terms”. Key terms usually meaning the whole page. I understand the purpose and function of primer, foundation, powder, and blush. It is incomprehensible how one could require more than 4 layers of products on their skin. Also, I don’t understand what you are meant to highlight, or how people achieve even highlighting without it looking like they applied a warped Instagram filter to their face IRL.

Eyelash curlers

These scare me for several reasons. 1) They look like the device used to hold open torture victims eyes in Clockwork Orange. 2) They remind me of one of greatest fears, which is accidentally pulling out all my eyelashes 3) I can never work out which way to curl them, like whether to angle up or down. I also have this problem whenever I attempt to apply false eyelashes. ONCE I EVEN WENT TO A 21ST WITH MY FALSE EYELASHES POINTING DOWN INSTEAD OF UP!?



Are you MU rookie like me and there is a beauty product you totes don’t get? Or can you show the error of my ways and link me a Makeup For Dummies Youtube channel to better educate myself? Comment below and let me know!

image credits – link in image. makeup brush graphic credit  here


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